sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
