he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
