If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
