i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
