I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just want nice things and good sex
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
