i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
