but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
