To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
