Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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