Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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