Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
