I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ketchup is God's man juice
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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