Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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