I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
