i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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