capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
