Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
