By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
