Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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