Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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