I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
