No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
