Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize