How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just high enough for therapy.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
