new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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