I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
