So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
