If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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