Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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