You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
