dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
