I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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