I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
