So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
