dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
