I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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