I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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