i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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