I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
