Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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