Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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