I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize