i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
