so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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