remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
