she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
