I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
