Only a mothe r could love this liver
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
