I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
