My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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