Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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