my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
