mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
