Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
