Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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