Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He has the fingertips of a God
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