its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
