after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
