i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
