please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
