Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
