I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
