Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize