We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
