why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
