Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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