you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
