Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
