So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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