I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I did not marry a roomba.
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