someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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