What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
