well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
