I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
