Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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