New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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