There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
