how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
