Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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