I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just blew my weed a kiss
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
