True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
