i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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