let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
