Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize