You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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