i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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