I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
