Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
