Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I need moral support for this bender
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
