Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
