So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
