So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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