would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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