remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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