The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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