I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
