I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
