you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In other news, I just burned my penis
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
