He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
