nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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