brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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