I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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