yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
