His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
