i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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