so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize