I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
