I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
