Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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