I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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