I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
