4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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