He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
