In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
