With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
