i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
