Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
