It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
