Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize