I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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