I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
