I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
