Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
